Drink & Shrink Diary: page 4

I hit a sour note today.  It has left a bitter taste in my mouth.  You see this business is new and everyone on my team is learning together. However, when I call the corporate office I expect them to know their shit. Sooooo yah, lesson learned. No star bonus for me in the month of April.  The stress, worry and investment end of march, wasn't worth it. Moving on.....tasting parties this weekend! Staying motivated for those!!

Mommy diary: page 18

2mths 7 days since i miscarried. 

I'm sharing this because I feel like I can here without judgement. I passed my baby naturally at home. I knew exactly the moment she would be coming because I felt pains, some could say labor pains (I wouldn't know the difference because this was my first pregnancy) extreme cramping and pains is what they were. For the fact that I was aware that I was practically giving birth, I could not let my baby fall into the toilet bowl, let alone flush her as if she was a gold fish. ( I say she because i feel in my heart she would have been a girl). With that being said, I kept her in a small decorative box, with the intent to bury her. I mean, what does a woman do when they miscarry at home naturally. I had no idea so I did what I felt was the right thing. In retrospect, it may seem odd or crazy to others. But that is how I dealt with what was going on at that moment...Needless to say the past 2mths, I went through a lot, because this miscarriage began a whirlwind of unfortunate circumstances for me that made the grieving process difficult. I didn't stop bleeding, was hemorrhaging  so much that even after the d&c dr talked about a hysterectomy. Luckily, just last week my uterus was cleared. I am ok. My uterus is ok and I can continue grieving. So today, along with my husband. We buried our baby. Brought me so much peace and deep down inside I knew holding onto her was not healthy. So this is a part of me I wanted to share. Please be kind. 

Mommy Diary: page 17

Isabella:

I use to dream about you, before you were even conceived. My desire to be a mother was an every day thought, some would say an obsession because a lot went into the planning of your conception. Of course, you my darling wanted to make a grand entrance. We found out we were pregnant at a time where my heart and your daddy's heart were grieving huge losses. At a time where baby planning had been on hold and the joy you brought to us was amazing. We shared it with everyone who loved you already. 

In my dreams, I never saw your face. I knew you were mine. I always held you and protected you. We were always running. I always had this fear of losing you. Your dad would hold you too. 

Now, looking back, maybe these were warnings. I had such a hard time accepting that I was pregnant. I couldn't grasp the concept. I was so afraid to be happy about it. That guilt has been eating away at me and I am sorry. I should have accepted this miracle from God because many do not know, but I knew the moment you were conceived. Weird to say or for me to even think about it now, but I felt something and at the moment I wasn't sure what the something was, but when the test came back positive a few weeks later, I remembered that moment and that was YOU. 

I may not have many reminders of you here on earth, but you and I shared many while you were in my womb.

I cherish those.

Mama loves you. 

Drink & Shrink diary: page 3

This wknd I packed a bag of clothes to wear while in Blythe. It's hotter weather there, so I packed my shorts, and capris that I wore last summer, without even trying anything on. I also packed a few pairs of yoga pants for the ride there and ride back. Nothing fit me right.... I ended up having to wear my yoga pants throughout my time there. Lately, I've been swimming in my clothes. I'm happy about it, just frustrated about the daily challenge to find something to wear because I am not ready to buy new clothes yet. 

The other day I went onto the www.javitaresults.com website and I saw a photo of a lady holding up her pants. So I wanted to do the same. I'm not ready to show the whole world, just those people in my life who stay up to date with my life through my blog because they care to know. 

The angle isn't right, so I'm

Not sure if you can even tell. I'll have to take another, with a different photographer, haha! One who isn't distracted by the tv. 😬 However, I now have to roll this pair 2x for it to fit right. These will be going into my donation box.

Looking forward to filling that box soon. Meanwhile, yoga pants it is.  

Wk6 day5, 15lbs lost, 2pant sizes 

Drink & shrink diary: page 2

This morning I am heading to Blythe, CA!!! To visit family and to share Javita with them. All expenses paid by Javita $ that I have made in a months time.

 I feel great!

Enough said. 

Hoping to expand my Javita family so we can drink & shrink together! 

Visit www.javitaresults.com for tons of amazing testimonies! 

I just want to grow up...

There was a time in my life where I just wanted to grow up.

I wanted to be my own boss.

I wanted to answer to myself.

I wanted to be an adult.

Lately, I would give anything to go back.

Back to a time where all I had to worry about was homework, what the plans for the weekend were and if that shirt matched with those shoes.

I can sit here and dwell on this life I've been dealt. I won't. 

I know I have all the right to be angry, which I am, my poor husband is paying for this emotional roller coaster of mine lately. 

I also have all the right to be sad and the constant tears that flow can only show a small glimpse of the ache I feel inside. 

I also have the right to lean on people I love. If I happen to drown you out then forgive me. 

I am not myself lately.

Not sure if I can get her back.

I am sure going to try.

But this person I am now...is working towards a new and better day, every day! 

Bear with me. 

Drink & shrink diary: page 1

I started my journey with Javita on February 5th of this year. For a few years now, I've only been content with how I look (not happy) and frankly, looking 4 mths pregnant when I really wasn't, was getting old. 

My husband had the habit of joking with me about it, never in a way that would offend me, because he loves me regardless.  He and I both have a membership at GB3 which is paid for every month, but do I take advantage of it? Nope. At least not as often as I should to make any difference in my appearance  and/or weight. 

An opportunity to try out Javita came to me through family and to be honest I am so thankful that it did at the time it did. When every part of my life was crumbling Around me, Javita has helped me find a ray of sunshine. I feel great. I look great and so many opportunities have opened up. 

I am not ashamed to post any before and after photos because that is me, was me and I thought I was happy like that, but this feeling I've had lately is what happy is! I'm trying to better myself because my life was at a point of no return and to get out of That place of destruction I needed to focus on me and truly truly love myself. 

Javita has been that and more for me and it gives me such pleasure to share it with others!!