Five days away . . . .

It's just a few days away. I know every year he looks forward to hearing from you.  His birthday and Father's day use to be the two days of the year that he was guaranteed to hear from you. However, last year...the calls didn't come. This year, I will hold my breath and maybe even try to keep him busy.  I'm afraid you won't call and I'm afraid of how it will hurt him.  He doesn't talk to me about you much lately...except to ask me how I think you are doing.  You give me a minimal look into your life via social networking, but he gets even less.  I know when he sits in his office and is just staring into space, it's because you are weighing heavy on his mind. I wish you hadn't changed your number or at least that you would have shared it with us. I miss you dearly and he misses you more.  I remind him that you are getting older and that it's only a matter of time before you reach out and we will hear from you again.  He fears that if you do run back to us it will be in rebellion against your mother and you know he always wants to keep that peace. 

I always wonder what you are thinking, how you are doing and if we ever cross your mind.  We have moved since you last lived with us and the room that should be yours in the new place has stayed empty.  We sold the twin bed you once used, with the plans to upgrade you to a full size bed.  I kept all your decor, but I'm sure you want to upgrade those too.  The clothes that hung in your closet will Definitely not fit you. I'm sure you have sprouted longer legs and are maturing into a young lady. I'm counting the months because saying years makes it a bit clearer to me that so much time has passed. 

If the day comes when you return, you won't come back as the day you left.  You are growing and we are missing it.

Feels like dejavu.  Actually, it's exactly that.  You disappeared from our lives once before.  When we finally got you back, it had been five years and a 3 year old is much different compared to an 8 year old.  We missed those years and I see it happening all over again. We are missing the years that you grow into a teenager. 

We understand and will continue to be patient.  You have endured so much in your short life. I just pray God is at your side and helping you deal with it all.  I pray He holds your hand like your daddy would and that He gives you that shoulder to cry on like I would.  

Five days away from your dad's birthday and all I can do is hold my breath. 

Love & miss you....