Or if I am okay. Stop telling me how to handle things or how to approach people who may set off a trigger in me. Just stop.
Please don't try to be my friend if you truly aren't genuine. I really don't need any pity or the random questions to see how I've been. Because you disappear shortly after. You don't invite me to things, you don't include me in things and you say it's because you are thinking of me, but it's all about you.
You feel better after checking in.
You feel less pressure if I'm not around. Less stress of trigger proofing so that I don't get set off.
So please don't ask the loaded question
Because it's way too much pressure for me.
I can hear the hurry behind your words.
The screaming phrase that everyone whispers behind my back.
"She should be over this, by now"
To answer your question: I'm not okay, but I am trying. I feel a million things all at once and on other days I feel nothing. I am numb. And on days in between I cry and sometimes I can't explain why. The aching in my heart is indescribable.
Then there are days that the sun shines so bright that I feel a little bit of me again. I can laugh and smile and not fake it one bit.
I don't need you because I have me. If you really want to make a difference. . . Let me help you help me...if you can't be here with me, but really be here with me, no judgement, just love, I don't even ask for understanding, JUST LOVE.... if that is too much to ask then please just stay away. Not everyone is cut out to handle a broken person and I don't need fixing, I just need to make sense of my new world.
