Drink + shrink diary: page 7

So lately... I have read tons of ads talking about a miracle weight loss regimen, two steps and it works. I click on each and every ad and each one talks about miracle pills / garcinia cambogia and a green tea that detoxifies. Some of the daily regimens require you take up to six pills a day and drink the tea with every meal. All of the results sound enticing, motivating and intriguing. Especially, because celebrities are endorsing or at least being used as advertisement for the products. 

However, how long can someone keep up with the daily pill intake and green tea consumption?? Before getting burned out. 

Wouldn't it be easier to get the same results, but by changing only one thing!!! Your coffee. 

Javita offers coffee with garcinia cambogia as it's top ingredient, the green tea is also offered for those with a different preference. ONE CUP A DAY is all it takes. 

Ask me how! 

Drink + shrink diary: page 6

11wks 1 day

So ares just had to ruin my progress pic!

But here it is. I feel great, can't really say anything bad, except that I need stop selling my own supply,cause I hate being without. 

Snap chat in the sauna. Yes, my husband is crazy and NO that is not Javita in his Starbucks cup. 

Although this is in mine.....

He supports me, but doesn't really have the need to shed any weight, still trying to convince him on the E+M. 

Grenade

Sometimes I can't help but feel like I am the cause of all my misery.

Everyone else seems to function properly. 

Apparently, I can't even act right.

Apparently, I am the one with all the issues.

Apparently, I bring everything on, by myself.

The day was going pretty well, but yah a trigger sets me off and there I go....you can't really put the pin back on a grenade once it's been pulled. I just wish you never pulled it. Wish you understood me well enough to know that you have a grenade in hand and it's only a matter of time. 

Time to wear my fake smile, at least I can do that without much effort lately.

High school sweethearts

In my circle of friends, I know quite a few couples who have been together since high school and are still together to this day. 

I think that it is beautiful. I am not naive to the fact that it's been rough, every relationship/marriage is. 

Recently, someone told me that my husband and I are "comfortable" with each other. That we have settled because we haven't actually dated ANYONE since high school. So it isn't LOVE, it is comfort and convenience, cause we don't know any better than being with ONLY each other. 

Obviously I was outraged at these comments. 

My husband and I are not perfect, but we grew up together. We have experienced our teenage years, crazy college years and early adulthood together. We have supported each other through the good and the bad. He is my strength where I am weak amd I am his. 

This is not the case of comfort or convenience. We love each other despite our flaws. Yes, our history and the length of our friendship before our marriage is a plus. I am fortunate, because not everyone can say that they married their best friend..... I can! 

Okay, vent over!

GRIEF COMES IN WAVES. If you've ever stood in the surf at a beach you know what I'm talking about. There are times when the water will roll out, and it's beautiful (this represents the better times) and there are times when the waves roll in and pound you, and sometimes overwhelm or over power you. This is just like grief, sometimes you're doing great and the water has rolled back, and next thing you know you're completely overwhelmed. It can be minute to minute, or second to second, or day to day, or even longer. It's completely normal. When you start to get concerned is when you feel like you're waiting for the water to roll back again, and you start to feel as if you are drowning. 

I must not be a good swimmer. I feel like I'm in over my head sometimes just trying to come up for air. 

Grief comes in waves. 

My days are good. 

Some evenings, like today, I get tired and I think, it's because I didn't sleep. I'll go to bed earlier tonight. 

Started feeling terrible earlier today. 

Came to lay in bed.

It's been hours.

He says it's cause I won't let my mind rest.

My mind won't let me rest.

I hate sitting here in the dark. 

I want to sleep

I'm tired.

It's Late already and my eyes are tired. 

I can close them. Or keep them open. It's dark anyways. 

Instead I toss and turn.

Eventually my mind will shut down and I will doze off.... Not in a deep slumber, like I would hope for. More like a long power nap. Just enough to give me energy. Cause surely I'll just wake up early and lay in bed waiting for my 6:30 alarm to go off. 

I can't sleep.

I want to.

Trust me I do. 

I just... Can't. 

Summer is rolling in

It's April and Summer is creeping it's way in! The fact that the heat is rolling in struck up a nice conversation between my husband and I today. You see, last summer was the first summer in this home and yet we didn't feel it. We both agreed "hey summer wasn't that bad". The heat was tolerable. 

As a matter fact, last summer's heat is quite a blur. It didn't take either one of us long to realize why. We both spent summer of last year indoors, in hospitals. We would get home late, shower, then to bed. Wake up early, work and straight to the hospital again. 

For me, the hospital routine started  in January of last year, and he was very supportive. The day after my grandma's passing,  My husbands hospital routine started, right smack in the middle of summer. There would be nights that we would get home so late. At first it would be because we would fight with the ER dept to admit my father in law and that always took hours... One day he arrived early morning and wasn't admitted til past midnight. I remember this night clearly, it was a night that I was so tired and weak that I just couldn't give anymore, and it made it so hard to offer any support to my husband. This night wouldnt be the first time I showed weakness, but it was the first night of his last stay at the hospital because my father in law didn't come home after this stay. I remember even longer nights, they were chemo nights.  We never felt comfortable leaving my father in law on those nights. It was tough. So we would stay until the round would end. On this night we drove home at 3:15am, got home close to 4! And it was still triple digits out. So definitely a hot summer. This year will be different, this summer we will try to enjoy everything that we didn't get to enjoy last summer....backyard bbq's, summer evenings watching the sunset, summer concerts, long walks with our dogs, cooking together, having margarita's and enjoying each other. 

Last summer was tough, but we survived it. It didn't tear me up inside to even reminisce about it today and my husband didn't fall apart either. Great strides. 

Drink + shrink diary: page 5

The moment I saw amazing results with Javita, I wanted to share it with my loved ones. I have been successful with some, but not most. It makes me sad to see how a few friends and family members could benefit from every thing this coffee and tea have to offer, yet they are too prideful or busy as they will call it to even give it a try. Maybe I am naive to think This could be for everyone. Maybe I need to be content with changing the lives of strangers. In the past two mths I have met so many new ppl and have gained so many friends through Javita! It is an amazing journey. I am not one bit regretful, but the kind of person I am can't help but feel guilt for not trying hard enough with my family and close friends. 

Here's a new thing: I came to the

gym- willingly! My husband didn't have to bribe me or twist my arm. I made my green tea and I'm even doing more than just the sauna. Now I have energy to go about my daily routines and still have the energy to join him in his passion- the gym! I am no expert here in this strange place hahaha, but it's some quality time with him, so it's worth it. 

Drink & Shrink Diary: page 4

I hit a sour note today.  It has left a bitter taste in my mouth.  You see this business is new and everyone on my team is learning together. However, when I call the corporate office I expect them to know their shit. Sooooo yah, lesson learned. No star bonus for me in the month of April.  The stress, worry and investment end of march, wasn't worth it. Moving on.....tasting parties this weekend! Staying motivated for those!!