I am angry with myself that it's true.
I am angry with myself that I have every ounce of happiness inside me and yet these tears can come and go when they please.
The ugly anxiety monster brings me so much fear and torments every aspect of my life.
A simple trip to Target can't escape that ugly monster.
I was so happy to go to buy Victoria her Luau themed outfit for her big sister's Sweet 16! She was asleep the whole time and daddy was wheeling her around in the cart, while I browsed through the aisle of cuteness!
From one moment to the next I lose sight of them and instantly engage in every symptom available before I hit total break down.
My eye sight gets blurred.
My head pounds.
The air in my chest doesn't seem to be enough for me to breathe correctly and I start to hyperventilate ... I wish I could beam up over all the people and all these ridiculous aisles so I can spot my baby and her daddy.
Until I hear her scream.
Not an "I'm being kidnapped, come save me" scream!
It's her "I love you daddy" scream!
My husband immediately catches my gaze and knows instantly what was running through my mind. What felt like forever without them was actually only 2 minutes and he was no more than 5 feet away...Showing Victoria Spot the Bull Terrier that was in the boy section. He bear hugs me and I shake my head. It's not enough. I need to leave.
So we leave. I am practically sprinting to the car now ... And he unlocks it from behind me. My entire body is in a sweat and if I wasn't practically running, I would swear that I had no legs, they were numb to me.
I reach my car, get inside and lose my shit!!! And I do with very loud wails and a ridiculous amount of tears.. So many my top gets wet as I wipe them.
My husband stands outside the car entertaining Victoria, so that she doesn't see mommy (God bless Him for that)!
big ugly anxiety monster - 1
Mommy - 0
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