1. The Due Date. The days up to this day are also difficult, but on the actual day, I imagine it being the hardest. I am currently in the days leading up to my due date (8.30) I can't imagine how difficult that day will be. I am praying that I have the support I need and that I survive this day, like I have survived every day after my loss(es).
2. The Anniversary of Loss. (1.23.14 + 6.19.14) On these days, I imagine myself reliving every moment leading up to my miscarriage(s). The trauma of passing both babies at home, naturally, the grueling recovery time and the symptoms and emotional trauma that lasted for months and to be honest hasn't subsided much since.
3. Mother’s Day. Every Mother's day from here on out will mean something different. I pray that one day, I will be celebrated by my husband and my living children. Meanwhile, I celebrate with my angel babies and my wonderful supportive husband, who did his very best to comfort me this year. To the many friends and family members who sent me a greeting this year, I hope you know how much that meant to me because you not only remembered me, but you remembered my babies! Its nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks of my angel babies. I am a mommy!!
4. October 15, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It's quite comforting to know that I am not alone in this group that no mother wishes to be a part of. I recently learned of this date this year and come October, one more important date will be added to my October calendar, along with wedding anniversary and our favorite time of the year.
5. The Day You Find Out You’re Pregnant Again. I didn't expect to have this date so soon after my first loss, but the day I found out I was pregnant, just three short months after we lost Isabella, was also the same day I found out that we were miscarrying again. Too short of a time to feel anything at all, except hopelessness. Now, I imagine, that on the day we find out that we are expecting again, I will experience every emotion ranging from fear to pure joy.
6. The Day (or often days) You Hear about the Pregnancies of Others. This is getting easier, but as long as it isn't too close to home, I can deal. Seeing babies, especially newborns, who are about the same age my Isabella would be, is and I think always will be difficult.
7. Other Holidays that Might Remind Us of Our Loss. Every and any holiday, but only time will tell when I'll be able to attend gatherings.
Losing a child changes us. Not just for the first few days, or weeks or months.
Losing a child changes us, not just for the first year, but for life.
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