I use to dream about you, before you were even conceived. My desire to be a mother was an every day thought, some would say an obsession because a lot went into the planning of your conception. Of course, you my darling wanted to make a grand entrance. We found out we were pregnant at a time where my heart and your daddy's heart were grieving huge losses. At a time where baby planning had been on hold and the joy you brought to us was amazing. We shared it with everyone who loved you already.
In my dreams, I never saw your face. I knew you were mine. I always held you and protected you. We were always running. I always had this fear of losing you. Your dad would hold you too.
Now, looking back, maybe these were warnings. I had such a hard time accepting that I was pregnant. I couldn't grasp the concept. I was so afraid to be happy about it. That guilt has been eating away at me and I am sorry. I should have accepted this miracle from God because many do not know, but I knew the moment you were conceived. Weird to say or for me to even think about it now, but I felt something and at the moment I wasn't sure what the something was, but when the test came back positive a few weeks later, I remembered that moment and that was YOU.
I may not have many reminders of you here on earth, but you and I shared many while you were in my womb.
I cherish those.
Mama loves you.
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