You're such a bitch!!!

Years ago...That statement alone would bring about a sense of pride and the biggest smile on my face. I prided myself in knowing that my personality was enough to piss people off. I would always laugh and a simple "thank you" was a response to that statement.

Simply put: I am strong headed, opinionated and rarely do I filter my thoughts. However, if I'm treated with respect, you'll be treated with respect. 

It isn't rocket science. Nobody likes to be walked over and nobody likes to be pushed around.

With that being said, I am also a giver a lover and if you are in need; I will do all that I can to provide, to be there and to make sure you are whole again. I'll make sure to keep you afloat even if it means I'll be drowning in the long run. That's just me. A fixer. Probably a symptom of being the oldest. 

I would hope that for the most part, The majority of you have only seen this side of me and very few of you have experienced the bitch part of me. 

The one person whom I sympathize with is my husband. Unfortunately, I can admit that he falls victim to the bitch in me on many occasions and very frequently because I don't hold back when it comes to him. It sucks when you stop to think about it. Your life partner, the person you go home to, the one who knows you, is always the one who sees both sides of you, the good and the bad. 

I'll be the first to admit, I am not an easy person to live with. I'm surprised he has stuck around as long as he has...I mean, it works both ways, but I'm not writing this to point out his flaws. This is about me and now I can realize that even after all the years ....we have managed to take the good and the bad in each other and still love each other. 

Something has changed though.... We are getting older. We are no longer that high school couple that can take a break and just let things cool off. We're married.  

We are in a changing phase in our lives, he just hit thirty and I'm almost there. Parenthood is hovering over us and sooner than later we will have another life to put first. 

So, my point being, that the "you're such a bitch" statement coming from him, kinda stings a little bit, now. 

I still let out a laugh here and there, but it sits with me. 

I don't want to be that person anymore. I can be better. I can still carry the strong headed, opinionated personality with unfiltered thoughts, but how I speak them to my husband has to change.  

We don't have a perfect marriage and we also don't have the worse, but it can always be better. So my contribution to the betterment of my marriage is to sit the bitch on the bench!! 

I'm not putting her away completely. Not sure I can make such a big stride, but benching her is safe.